"I Just Want to Celebrate Another Day of Livin"

Before Cancer, life was dependable and rewarding.

Family members were happy with their accomplishments and I loved my job. I held myself to a standard of accountability and responsibility. Teaching these virtues everywhere I go in life makes me proud to bring significance to a complex world.

Working as a clinical project manager/consultant for conversion to electronic documentation, my skills as an Advanced Practice Nurse served me well at two Pennsylvania hospitals. The collaboration brought me great pride. If I have to end my career, this was the pinnacle of my experiences. For, team members recognized the value of seeing things from all perspectives, a gift we all can continue to learn.

Then cancer reveals its ugly head

I gracefully bowed out of work to go full speed ahead in self-care. This is familiar to many of us. Stage III C Ovarian Cancer easily takes priority. This coupled with my husband's newly diagnosed diverticulitis and possible colon cancer, immediately plunged our joy into an unknown depth. Together we were ill and had to find a way to return.

A new mindset

This was a time of grief and sadness. We thought about our many dreams and reached acceptance. This period of our life may be the "worst of times" but together we both successfully found our way to meet personal health demands. Suddenly, resilience took on new meaning and motivated us to adapt. Most importantly, our love for each other was deepened and even more apparent.

And then the world went still

Covid-19 robbed us of the meaning of our lives [Adapted from NYU's Rory College statement on May 20, 2022]. I was already dealing with being immunocompromised. But unexpectedly we could no longer enjoy touching family members or visits to our local favorite restaurants or the theatre. We saw our grandchildren at play in their gardens, from a distance, or through the glass of our car window.

Stress and fear of the unknown

Americans faced circumstances like never before. Many still fail to realize we are in a crisis of grief from losing family and friends. We heard from members of our own community and our leaders who denied the importance of vaccines. The world seemed out of control. Yet, lost jobs became a reality and raised issues of fear of safety and insecurity. Thank God, the one place where devotion remained high was in our hospital and among strategic workers who served us throughout this terrible time.

Needing to celebrate

Now, we all need to celebrate. How best can you do this? Perhaps a hug with someone you haven't seen in some time. Reach out to others who may have slipped your mind along the way. Let people know the meaning they hold in your life. Write your story and recall the many new ways you now cope.

Create a dinner party with friends who faithfully vaccinated and wore masks appropriately. Plan a dream vacation, even if it requires compromise and delays, or if only make-believe. Plan to laugh out loud, one from your belly if you can. This will stimulate your endorphins. These neurotransmitters (also sometimes thought of as hormones) act to increase feelings of pleasure and well-being and also to reduce pain and discomfort. We all could use a bit of that.

And so the story goes

One day my husband said he had an important question to ask. It worried me at first because I am always aware of the possibility that "another shoe may drop." Instead, he reminded me that April 2022 would be the 40th Anniversary of our marriage. He took my hand and asked if I would marry him again and if so, he wanted to celebrate. Once again through tears, I asked are you sure after all I have brought to you over these last three years. He added, we have always been in this together and will till the end of time.

Our celebration

On April 30, we renewed our Vows of Holy Matrimony. Yes, I cried throughout. We then made our way to a local venue where we had a catered dinner for 60 friends and family, who came from far and near to be there with us on a joyous occasion. We belly laughed and sang and hugged a great deal.

The sweet and the sorrow

I was already aware that this may be the last time I would see them and it was important to have those laughs and share our love. On May 25, I started my 6 months round of chemotherapy with Taxol, Cisplatin, and Avastin. I write this to you on day 2 with hopes that I will be on board to share our stories of great progress for all.

Yes, "I just want to celebrate another day of livin"