Everybody Needs a Friend: Try Your Anam Cara

When you suffer a grave loss to the integrity of self, it is easy to perceive that a part of you is missing. Whether there is a death or the death of a relationship, the loss of a job or home, you are likely missing the many parts and pieces that joined you to that person or place.

Bad things happen to everyone

Ovarian cancer changes things. The diagnosis itself alters a deep-seated belief. It is true that bad things can happen to everyone. In fact, you may find yourself in crisis, without the tools to responsibly manage the next steps. This awareness prompted new ways to cope.

For me, cancer and the treatment that followed created space and time I never had before. Work was out of the question. I needed to take care of us.

I had an amazing husband and children who were equally shocked by the news. After all, I was their champion, the one who supported us through other times of pain. Instinctively, I knew that we all needed support.

Changing the way to cope

I read and listened with different eyes and ears. The hum of noise about the health of other people suddenly became personal. It was the start of the fight for my life.

First, came the formation of a safe, secure environment. Healthcare providers agreed with our rules for open and direct communication. It was important to question everything our family needed to know.

Anam Cara: Your soul friends

Grounded in the fact that the mind and the body influence healing, I revisited ancient Celtic philosophies. This is where I learned about the importance of examining all that is before us. An important notion was stressed: Trust your intuition and selectively trust the intuition of others.

The Celts maintained that two souls with a unique connection are stronger than they are apart. I considered my forever friends, my Anam Cara, who returned each time I called on them. No matter how many years apart, our friendships became meaningful and lasting.

In fact, the Celts insist the main goal of a soul friend is to support you. They respond without judgment. From a belief, while encouraging other perspectives. In the end, they are fine with your choice.

They do not expect anything in return and offer no conditions to stay. Yes, this is a well-thought-out and amazing possibility for consideration. When you think of them, something deep within you stirs. Thereby, rests the belief that on some mystical level, they are a part of you.

I have learned through life that siblings may not always fill this role. While the soul friend may come from a totally different lifestyle, a family member may have unfinished, historical business that makes it difficult for them to support you now.

In my experience, when the effects of chemotherapy were at their worst, my dear friends left flowers and sweets at our doorstep. They wanted us to know they respected our privacy while wanting us never to forget they loved us.

Who are your soul friends?

Take a moment to consider who comes to mind. Are there people who suddenly emerge in times of need? Is there someone you look up to and emulate their caring behavior in response to a crisis? What do you think you need in a friend? Write down their names and cherish them as your Anam Cara.

I close with thanks to George, Pammie, Bev, and Bonnie for being there for me.

Editor’s Note: We are extremely saddened to say that on August 9, 2024, Ellen Reed passed away. Ellen’s advocacy efforts and writing continue to reach many. She will be deeply missed.